Working to secure full equality for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people in Maine since 1984.

In recent years two New England states (Massachusetts and Connecticut) have decided that it’s unfair and wrong to block same-sex couples from the protections and responsibilities that only civil marriage can convey. Same-sex couples live, work and pay taxes in each of Maine’s sixteen counties: they’re young professionals, working moms and dads and retired grandparents. They, and we, are eager to bring the conversation about marriage equality to life here.

We think it’s critical for this conversation to focus on meaningful facts, not anti-gay rhetoric. So whether you know where you stand on marriage equality or you’re trying to make up your mind, please keep reading for important information about marriage and answers to some common questions about marriage equality.

Why marriage matters

Over 200 Maine state laws provide automatic legal protections and responsibilities for married couples. Even when same-sex couples take exhaustive (and often expensive) steps to protect themselves and their families by constructing wills, health care proxies and co-parent adoptions, they cannot come close to duplicating the protections that only civil marriage brings.

Times are tough. Maine families need more peace of mind, not less. Marriage equality would make thousands of Maine couples and their children better off -- without raising taxes, without increasing government spending and without infringing on anyone's freedom of speech or religion.

• In most Maine workplaces, married people can take bereavement leave for the death of a spouse or a spouse’s relative. With the exception of state employees and state university employees, most gay and lesbian workers cannot take bereavement leave for the death of their partners or a member of a partner’s family.
• Maine’s Family Care law does not allow a gay or lesbian employee to use accrued sick, vacation and comp time to care for a same-sex partner, because the partner is not a married spouse.
• If an employee suffers a job-related injury or death, the same-sex partner is not entitled to any protections under the worker’s compensation system – even if that partner was financially dependent on the injured worker.
• If an employee is killed on the job due to employer negligence, his or her same-sex partner cannot bring legal action against the employer. A married spouse can.
• Unlike married couples, gay and lesbian employees cannot select a "joint and survivor annuity" option in their defined benefit plan to provide for their partners in the event of their death.
• Because they do not have the option of filing jointly, some same-sex couples may pay more taxes than their married friends.
• Married workers who contribute to the retirement system can establish two separate survivor benefits in case of death before retirement: one for a surviving spouse and one for dependent children. Unmarried same-sex couples cannot. So a partner designated as a beneficiary must choose between survivor benefits for herself or the dependent children.
• Only marriage confers the intangible benefit of recognition as a family. Marriage is arguably our most important civic institution, and excluding same-sex couples from this institution marks them and their children as unworthy. That second-class status can never be changed with piecemeal legal arrangements.

Some common questions

I’m not gay or lesbian, and I don’t know anyone who is. Why should I care about marriage equality?
Someone in your life may well be gay or lesbian, but he or she may not feel comfortable speaking openly about it. Or perhaps the topic just hasn’t come up: how often do you discuss sexual orientation with your dentist or the bank teller or during a Thanksgiving meal? The fact is, thousands of Maine citizens identify as gay or lesbian. For many of them – and their parents, families and friends – marriage equality has become a critical issue in their daily lives.

And remember, you don’t have to be gay or lesbian yourself to support equality for all Maine citizens. In 2005 a majority of voters, gay and straight, agreed that gay and lesbian Mainers should not be subject to discrimination in housing, employment or education because of their sexual orientation. That’s how real progress toward full equality is made. Many men worked to win women the right to vote, and people of all races came together to abolish slavery and end segregation in America.

What about civil unions or domestic partnerships? Aren’t they just as good as marriage, or a good alternative?
No. Civil unions and domestic partnerships can never convey the full rights, responsibilities, protections and respect that marriage gives. These separate institutions do not treat citizens equally in the eyes of the law or in the eyes of society. Please see our overview: Domestic Partnerships vs. Civil Unions vs. Marriage.

Would marriage for same-sex couples undermine or weaken the institution of marriage?
No! The struggle for marriage equality is a recognition of the importance of marriage in people’s lives and in our communities. By increasing access to marriage for adults in committed relationships, we can strengthen the institution – not weaken it. Marriage will not be weakened by allowing same-sex couples to marry, just as it was not weakened by women’s suffrage or the repeal of interracial marriage bans.

Why do you call it "marriage equality" instead of "gay marriage"?
Because we're not talking about creating a separate institution called "gay marriage." We're talking about providing equal access to the existing institution of civil marriage.

How would marriage equality affect my church?
That’s entirely up to your church. Religious institutions are not required to perform civil marriages, though a growing number of faith communities welcome same-sex couples, and there are clergy members who are happy to perform same-sex weddings. Advocates of marriage equality focus strictly on civil marriage, and leave decisions about religious marriage ceremonies to faith leaders.

How can I keep learning about marriage equality?
As the conversation about marriage continues in Maine and nationwide, please stay in touch with EqualityMaine by joining our email list.

To hear six born-and-bred Mainers – Rita and Sara Jane, Steve and Jim, Melissa and Angela – discuss the importance of marriage in their lives, check out our video, The Way Life Should Be: Marriage in Maine. 

At our 2008 annual dinner, EqualityMaine's Executive Director discussed marriage, and why it matters. Read her remarks.

We also urge you to start a conversation in your own community: ask your friends and family members what they know about marriage equality. Share your questions and opinions, and ask them to do the same. You may be surprised how much you can learn!